2. Realize Uber drivers in Texas are the nicest people you've ever met. Literally.
3. Stay in Airbnb house in a quiet neighborhood outside the city limits. Too quiet. Check all closets and under beds for murderers.
4. Wake up and find tacos. Decide on Z'Tejas and embarrassingly pronounce it Z'Te-JOS instead of Te-HOS despite living basically in Mexico for the last four years. The Make Your Own Bloody Mary bar was the best - must add Slim Jim. But don't actually eat the Slim Jim - it will likely cause internal bleeding. Corn bread also good.
5. Notice that the birds are extremely creepy in Austin. Watch one snatch and eat an entire packet of Sweet'N Low.
6. Walk around and around. In circles. Cuz that's what we did. The city isn't that big and I think we walked it twice at least based on my Health App.
7. Stop at the Driskill for a coffee if it's pre-noon or a cocktail if it's after-noon. Make sure you go upstairs and take a selfie with the taxidermy.
8. Freak out when a legit sheriff tips his 10-gallon hat to you and says, "Howdy."
9. Confirm that you probably could never live here because it's too humid and the birds are too scary.
10. Get doughnuts at Gourdough's (I think you pronounce it Gor-Doughs but it's spelled wrong)- I recommend the dessert one with coconut and cream. It's better than San Diego's Donut Bar but don't tell them I said that.
11. Get margaritas on a rooftop.
12. Let a homeless man tell you he crapped his pants. He seemed okay with it, so don't worry too much I guess.
13. Play beer pong in an arcade - it's like real beer pong, except without beer. And you have to pay.
14. Skip watching millions of bats fly out from under the bridge. There were like 4 and I swear it's a myth.
15. If you're 28+ - hang out on Rainey St. instead of 6th at night. It's a bunch of old houses converted into bars with yards. Bar 96 had corn hole and a taco truck. Another bar was built out of storage containers. It's really unpretentious.
16. Realize you forgot what weather was like and wake up terrified of the thunder and lightening at 4am.
17. Sadly, the Barton Springs Pool might be flooded the next day. Go on a food tour instead - brisket, ice cream, BBQ, everything. Take artsy, hipster pics.
Credit: Thanks to Pat for being born and turning 30.