September 21, 2010

Newsflash: I am the Female God

On the way home, I literally was grumpy and looking down and saying to myself, "God, I hope no one stops me or says anything to me. I just want to get home."

The city, maybe only New York City, is teeming with street teams, people trying to sell you things, save your soul, and get you to donate money. I said to myself, "We're harassed all day long. Yet these psychos still think it's okay to bombard us (New Yorkers) on our way home." And I always stop because I feel bad, and they always stop me because I look non-threatening with my blonde hair and underage looking face.

And then of course, a girl stopped me.

Creepy girl: Excuse me, I have a random question for you.
Me in my head: She's either going to ask where I get my hair done or if I've ever heard of Amnesty International and care about animals and babies.
Creepy girl: Have you heard of God the Female?
Me: Yes.
CG (confused): Oh, did someone already stop you?
Me: No, I've just heard of it.
CG: Well then can I ask you some questions about Scriptures in the Bible?
Me in my head: Hell no, I don't care about religion, I'm late to get home and relax, and you're weird. And why are you wearing red and showing cleavage? What is this the Mary Magdalene religion? I read DaVinci Code. I'm not amused or phased.
Me in reality: No, there are a lot of religions and I don't think any of them are right. I don't care to debate.
CG: Well this is the PROPHECY. The Female God is coming back to earth. It's PROPHESIED. The Bible talks all about God the Female. I'm from a school called "Yada Ya" (I tuned out)
Me: Good luck. I'm not interested at all.
CG: Well if someone else stops you, that might be a sign from God that you're a chosen one. You never know.
Me: Maybe. KthanksBye.

W. T. F. Religion. One of the few things that gets me adamantly fired up. No one is right. We're all just bored humans trying to reassure ourselves. And now apparently the female Jesus.. we'll call her Jessie is coming to judge the quick and the dead. And she wants me to follow her. No freaking thanks. I swear to the gods in a past life I was burned at the stake for casting spells on these idiots.

1 comment:

  1. I liked this quote from mom's "Thought for the Day" email: "Religion is a bridge to the spiritual--but the spiritual lies beyond religion. Unfortunately, in seeking the spiritual we may become attached to the bridge rather than crossing over it." -Rachel Naomi Remen....Makes sense...some people don't need a bridge, because they're already connected in some way, and some people steer clear of the bridge altogether, wanted nothing to do with "the spititual." And then there are those who don't see past the bridge and get attached to stupid ideas and customs. I still cannot understand those people who think the rapture is coming. There was a guy in the bookstore who asked for the Left Behind series, and upon being told it's in the Religious Fiction section, he was like no it's not Fiction. And we were like, well it hasn't happened yet, so yea it's in Fiction. And there's an organization that pays people to take care of their pets, should the rapture occur in the next 20 years, they're pets are safe with atheists. Oy.