February 5, 2009

Silence in Manhattan, 3.5 Apples, and Craisins!

Funny things happen in this whimsical and whackadoodle little town called New York...

This morning I got up late, because frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about being a responsible adult (specifically the 23rd + 6th subway station rat who is so pretty and the color of buttercups and likes to dart past me every day on my way home from work with his dilapidated tail and bent whiskers. I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine). So I didn't actually leave my apartment until 9am, which is the time I should be settling into my cage. I don't think anyone at work actually cares if I'm late, but it makes me feel like a slacker or something. I walked fast, because it is 18 degrees here by the river, but of course I had to add money to my Metro card and of course the credit card machine didn't work. After shoving a $10 bill into it's mouth, I shoved my way onto the platform where there were.... hordes and herds of cranky people waiting. I think something was wrong with the trains. After 8:45, it's generally never crowded and I've never seen that many people waiting for a train except on New Year's Eve at 4AM. When a new train finally came, I spritely dashed in and grabbed a pole and hung on for dear life as an angry river of people crashed through. I tried to hold my ground by compulsively surfing my ipod and pretending not to notice anyone.  We took off. 

And then the train broke down. 

The lights went out and I turned off my ipod to await the announcement that the train was hijacked and we would all die in the Hudson River bedrock. I probably had this thought because I had a dream that I got robbed at gunpoint on the top of a German Alp last night. Instead of Mayday, I heard complete silence, which I haven't heard in years. It sort of tried to restart and then shut down again and then it sputtered alive and got me to 23rd. Joy. Today I tried to find humor in things by trying to be apathetic and it worked! For example, instead of being mad at Path, I made myself feel better by walking right through a movie set at Madison Square Park. I do this pretty often and I notice that the headset guys always stop other people but they never stop me. Maybe since I wear black, they think I'm an extra. I should be getting paid to walk through, looking typical. 

Then I had a meeting with the most stereotypical sales guy ever who reminded me of Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter, the greasy little kiss ass rat character. I was so annoyed and I kept leaning away. I sat in the little conference room for an hour with this guy:

Then I went for a walk at lunch to call Mom and check on my cat and make sure she isn't still sleeping in the cupboard, and I walked an entire city block out of my way because there were pigeons all over the corner. I'd rather walk through a pack of rats than a flock of pigeons. Gross. But I did get the most delicious PBJ I ever had in my entire life made by a little Hispanic man. So nom. I also got a Naked Berry Blast drink which has 3.5 apples, 1/2 a banana, 4 strawberries, 4 raspberries, and 5 blackberries in it. WHOA. 3.5 apples?! I almost fell out of my spinny chair in the boardroom during a vague meeting.

I also got some trail mix for my desk, and this medley had Craisins AND raisins in it. I tried a raisin, because I thought maybe my taste buds had changed. But NO. They still taste like nursing homes. On the other hand, I love Craisins and I eat an inordinate amount of them. Having Craisins and raisins in one container is like blowing regular and edible bubbles and then eating them to see which is which. An odd simile, but Alison and I used to do that back in the 7th grade. It was a fun game. And yes, they do make edible bubbles.

In other news, I like Avril Lavigne? and I am happy that tomorrow is Friday! If I see one more Valentine's Day commercial I'm going to punch myself in the face. I just skipped Pilates to write this and continue watching "Friends" and I already feel extreme guilt and regret, but oh hey, it's already 9:34 and Pilates is over. Lobsters are awesome and I'm going to Vegas and Portland in a month! Now I'm going to bed to read Julie & Julia. Also this is a funny blog: 2birds1blog

All the best.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. What a day.You should totally do a "Day In The Life" blog. 2birds did it. Every half hour or so write something that happens at work and at the end of the day, post it. Very entertaining.