January 7, 2009
What's the Point?!
OMG. I don't know what my passions in life are anymore. I just feel so brain washed and neutral. I used to have so much motivation to write and travel and act and paint.. and now I don't do any of that really. My latest "plan" is to get an MBA... WHY? I have to take statistics and econ and I don't even care about it! I don't know what classes in college I loved. I just don't remember.. or maybe I've never really been excited about anything in my life except winning.
I get excited to get a new job... or if I win an election... or get the part... but that's not a passion! I was more excited to get into all of my colleges than I was to become a screen writer. Then I changed my major and I was more excited to compete in the AAF competition than I was to learn about the industry. I obsessed over my GPA so much that I memorized information instead of processing it. I'm on my third job in a year and a half, because I care more about getting ahead and not settling than I do about the actual responsibility of having a career. Or maybe I don't want a career.
I just realized that I have nothing to do in life that is worthwhile. I'm going to die and no one will know that I lived 100 years from now. It won't matter. I'm not doing anything remotely important or good. I'm now on a mission to figure out what makes me happy and what I can do to actually help someone. I don't think planning where a corporation should buy advertising space for millions of dollars counts as a good deed.
I can picture myself having my own business... but I can't do that yet because I don't have money. I can't get published til I have an idea. An original idea. But those don't really exist. Everything sounds like something else. What am I gonna do with myself now!?
I need divine intervention. Universe! Reveal my purpose.... now please?
at 6:26 PM