November 18, 2008

As Long As We All Shall Live

Dear future married people:

Do not get married to someone who doesn't think college is a good idea for your children if you think that it is. Don't marry someone who spends money in an entirely different way than you. If you hoard money, don't marry someone who buys 4-wheelers, game consoles, and pool toys every day. If you blow money like a rock star in Vegas, don't marry your responsible financial advisor even if she's cute. You will not change and you cannot change anyone else. Don't divorce a guy who won't pay for your kids unless ordered by the court. Don't get married if you can't get divorced civilly.

Don't get divorced if you will need to go through your oldest child to talk to your former beloved. Believe me. My cynicism and skepticism is not inherent. It was acquired being the peacemaker between my divorced parents and feeling responsible for two younger siblings since the ripe age of SEVEN. I'm beginning to think the battle will NEVER end! Divorce only means you don't have to live together anymore. Now you get to argue through courts and lawyers and your blindsided spawn forever! Til death do you part is for real, even if you legally relinquish your tax cuts and remove yourself from your joint checking account. You can never escape a PROMISE!!! Also it sucks for your kids and if you do get divorced, please know that we do not care how much child support you pay and when you cut it off as long as we have what we want! We also don't care to know why our other parent (50% of our genetic being) sucks. It makes us resent you. We don't want to know why you got divorced either. We prefer to think you're irresponsible, abnormal, and crazy, and we hope to have learned from your mistakes. Before you say "I do," remember the worst fights you've ever had and realize that those fights could become your everyday life someday. If you think about having children, remember that they will be one HALF of your spouse forever. Make sure you love that person unconditionally and promise to always be an adult around your kids even when you get divorced. I mean if!! True love is forever and I'm sure you'll all find your soulmate cosmic heartthrob and you will live happily ever after, but PLEASE do NOT get married if you MIGHT get divorced.

Thank you for your attention!

-16 Years of Annoyed


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